


Captured Cravings

by lore



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2731916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lore/pseuds/lore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the war ends, Remus and Severus prepare to return to Hogwarts in a flurry of publicity. Only Minerva is aware of the status of their relationship, but she wants a closer look.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captured Cravings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PurpleFluffyCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleFluffyCat/gifts).



> Minerva uses some archaic terms and occasionally has misguided and erroneous thoughts that do not reflect the opinions, preferences or intelligence of the author. Beta'ed by a cast of thousands. All remaining errors are my own. Constructive criticism and one-word happy comments are welcome in equal measure.
> 
> Written in 2006 for the Snupin Santa holiday exchange, so post-HBP, pre-DH.

It came as no surprise that Remus Lupin and Severus Snape had become post-war pin-up boys to witches of a certain age. They were both decorated heroes of the Second Voldemort War, and while Remus' deeds weren't as desperately key as Severus', they were more obvious. 

Footage taken during the war's climatic battle showed Remus fending off one feral were after another, back-to-back with Harry Potter as they pushed steadily forward toward Harry's last confrontation with Voldemort. Colin Creevey finally made good on a lifetime of poor wand skills and voyeurism by releasing the images far and wide, although Severus maintained the boy would be insane if he hadn't held back some sections for later profit. Severus' own deeds - killing Nagini, the final Horcrux, and Bellatrix Lestrange just before the Dark Lord used her willing servility to make a last-ditch seventh Horcrux - were only corroborated by Draco and Narcissa Malfoy. However, Albus' Pensieve memories could not be refuted and Harry supported Severus' pardon as a tribute to the headmaster he had loved so dearly.

Creevey had applied himself toward engineering Muggle recording devices to run on magic instead of batteries, and he had joined the Order more as a documentarian of the group's efforts than as an actual foot soldier. The _Prophet_ , _Quibbler_ and dozens of other national and international wizarding publications found printing Creevey's resulting raw footage as easy as magical photographs and even more profitable. Certainly Harry, Ron Weasley, Dean Thomas, Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger and even Draco Malfoy - characterized as a reluctant anti-hero - became the objects of _Witch Weekly_ 's teen readership's dreams. Posters, buttons, and even tea cups were plastered with the young heroes' images. 

Remus and Severus, however, did unexpectedly well with the magazine's significant number of older subscribers, and their deeds caused them to be two of the most visible Order members during the months of trials that followed the end of the War. Far more handsome men and women, like Kingsley Shacklebolt and Hestia Jones, were satisfied to fade back into the rhythm of their normal lives and out of the media spotlight, except for Charlie Weasley, who became so shameless in his quest for exposure that he was compared to Gilderoy Lockhart in his heyday.

Having more leverage against a werewolf and former Death Eater than Harry Potter and his unruly friends, the Ministry paraded Severus and Remus around at all the official events and celebrations that would fit in their schedules for months after the war. They were sent out "packaged" together as a pair of dangerous, but reformed, men by Personnel agents. Tonks cheerfully accompanied them to the less stodgy functions, after having found out that a single, hot-if-she-wanted-to-be, female hero of the war could drink free for entire nights and have her pick of men and women wherever she went. She sheepishly had stepped aside after Remus had confronted Tonks about her inappropriately-timed advances a few days after Albus' funeral. That Remus wore his mankiest cardigan and used his most fatherly voice seemed to help her transition from love-struck to beloved friend quickly.

* * *

"Why don't you jump him already?" Tonks had followed Remus' stare to Severus, standing across the room looking wholly bored with the plump, pinstriped man speaking to him. 

"What?" Remus moved his eyes from Severus to the Auror without shifting his head, a trick he'd picked up in the war to help mask his observations. Tonks thought it was creepily intense, but she couldn't communicate that to Remus without having to explain why, and the words eluded her. 

"You can't tell me you'd give up this-" She shifted, her hair going blond and silky and her breasts swelling until her top barely contained them. "-unless you were a lot gay." 

Remus grabbed Tonk's upper arm hard and yanked her further from the other guests at the reception. "Not everyone is as open-minded as you, Nymphadora." 

_Ouch_ , she thought. _The father voice again. Must be serious._ "Want me to find out what he thinks about you?" Again she shifted, this time into a nondescript Ministry drone, also in pinstripes and as boring as the next person. 

Remus' gaze once more honed in on Severus, and he allowed a hungry look to ghost across his face. "I already know what he thinks of me."

* * *

The only reason Severus could stand the droning of the Floo Regulator was that this was to be his last Ministry-"encouraged" function. He could sense his saviour approaching even now.

"Tradson, you don't mind if I borrow Severus for a few minutes." It wasn't a question as Minerva McGonagall walked to the other side of the room, expecting Severus to follow her without a guiding hand on his person. Severus gave the tedious man a shallow nod and joined Minerva at a tall table holding the remains of many half-drunk glasses of champagne. 

_The Ministry needs to stop putting these functions out on bid if it wants a modicum of_ service _at them_ , Severus thought as he banished the refuse to the next table. "I appreciate the distraction, Minerva. The man could make-" Severus made the shortest of pauses, choosing his target wisely, "Justin Finch-Fletchley appear scintillating by comparison." There. A student they both knew, but could agree upon as he was in neither of their former houses.

"Your return to Hogwarts has been approved," she said without preamble. "Your former rooms are available, year-round if you want them." 

Severus relaxed imperceptibly, relived to know Minerva's request had been granted. The only reason he had played Dutiful Little War Hero for so long was to earn enough good will at both the Ministry and in the public's eyes to support a welcome return to the school. It wasn't the teaching Severus craved, but the sense of _home_ Hogwarts held for him. The constant safety of the school's protections would also benefit the former Death Eater - there was no telling where or when revenge-minded wizards might strike in the years to come as Aurors worked on hunting down all of Voldemort's followers who had escaped from the final battle.

"What about Re- Lupin?" he asked, knowing full well that Minerva wanted the other man for Defence now that the curse on the position had ended with Voldemort.

"He's been staring at you for the past five minutes." Minerva's thin lips lifted at the corners, the normally subtle motion enlivened by a touch of red lipstick making her grin a bold curl. Flinty blue-grey eyes held the kind of mirth that Severus hadn't seen on the Headmistress' face since before- _Before Albus passed_ , he thought to himself firmly, wanting nothing more than to leave the past in the past, rather than run mad as his acts should have dictated.

"I am well aware of how pathetically indiscreet Lupin is tonight and most nights. It's a wonder he survived the war at all, the way he carries on." Severus snagged them each a glass of neat Firewhisky from a passing tray and drank half his glass before speaking again, more quickly than normal as if the words might fly away before being heard. "I might require a larger suite than my former quarters. Above ground."

Unsurprised by Severus' request, Hogwarts' Headmistress caught Remus' eye and gave him her best sardonic look, tilting her head toward the Potions master, as if to say "Are you really going to be that obviously besotted?"

* * *

It had taken Minerva a week after Albus died to begin to think clearly again, but once she did, she had searched through Albus' things until she found all the proof she needed to know that Severus had been loyal to their leader in the best and worst sorts of ways. Armed with this knowledge, she had remained open to the messages Severus sent to her during the war through the most esoteric, unlikely avenues possible. 

Minerva's faith in Severus, privately expressed to Remus after Tonks was out of the picture, had earned her Remus' confidence and confession - he and Severus had been in a relationship for quite some time and Remus hadn't believed in Severus' betrayal either after a few days' thought. Upon being told of their conversation when he had awakened in the Hogwarts hospital wing instead of Azkaban, Severus had scoffed and muttered bitterly about the wonder of Voldemort having ever been fooled by his paltry little murder. 

Severus had fought against the Death Eaters until the bitter end, and it had been sheer luck that Remus found his unconscious body in time to save him from the Auror mop-up crews and an automatic ticket to Azkaban. Minerva had carefully copied and presented Albus' evidence day after day to dozens of Ministry officials while Severus healed, until, combined with Creevey's footage and Harry's word, the Minister himself could no longer deny the spy's innocence. Meanwhile, Remus had used Severus' recovery to work on healing him in mind as well as body. Most nights, Minerva had joined them for dinner, adding her own absolution to Remus' arguments until Severus seemed to come out the other side as dry and cranky as ever - if a bit touched with regret whenever he thought no one was looking. However, with Remus eager to rekindle their relationship and Minerva now firmly in their corner as friend and confidante, Severus had found it easier every day to compartmentalize his anguish, taking it out only when the need to self-flagellate was most powerful.

* * *

Over breakfast the morning after the reception, Minerva was _tsking_ at the newspaper, which blared Severus' and Remus' reinstatement at Hogwarts on the front page. Rita Skeeter had polled the entire board of Governors and half of them implied the positions were charity for the war heroes while the other half all but said they would be looking for any excuse to oust the werewolf and murdering Death Eater. _As if they had any power left over us after Albus' estate was settled,_ she thought, snorting softly into the cup of tea paused just under her lips. 

The article went on to interview several of Severus' more critical former students, and Minerva could just imagine the ranting and raving Remus was in store for that morning. It occurred to her that Remus was most likely to shut Severus up with a kiss, and she ended up shaken out of a little daydream by the house elf that came to clear her dishes. As their confidence in each other had developed these past few months, Minerva had tried to keep her demeanour toward both men maternal. However, Severus and Remus were each entirely too self-reliant after years of hardship and spying to accept anything less than her respect as equals. Severus, especially, defied all attempts to spoil, lecture, or reprimand him, and Minerva had quickly given it up as bad business. 

What came after was a friendship that they all worked to keep playful and interesting to help thwart their individual inner demons. Minerva relished the closeness particularly, as her work through the war and since had caused her to lose touch with many of her old companions and compatriots. With a glance at Albus' portrait, which had yet to speak one word since the day it manifested, Minerva realized she had been quite lonely - keeping everyone at arm's length until her recent association with Remus and Severus.

An owl ducked into her office, interrupting her thoughts by dropping off a familiarly red envelope. With a roll of her eyes, Minerva cast a privacy charm and decided to let the Howler shout its message. It was more than two weeks before the term started, but her staff was beginning to filter back into the school already, eager to return to work in the newly repaired castle. There was no need to let them overhear what was surely nonsen-

> **Minerva McGonagall! Are you insane, employing _criminals_ like those men where there are _children_? I don't care what kind of guff Scrimgeour is spewing about loyalty, reform and whatnot, they're _dangerous_ , and you can be sure I'm taking this up with the Ministry, Board of Governors and anyone else who will listen until Snape and Lupin are properly sacked and locked away from all good people!**
> 
> **You shouldn't be in charge of our young'uns either, if you think _monsters_ are acceptable teachers!**
> 
> **_Not_ respectfully at all!  
>  Thorton Roddingfield**

  
Minerva transfigured the Howler into a flower before it could explode, not wanting Rodding _fart_ to have the last word. _Ridiculous old man hasn't had a child in Hogwarts in 20 years!_ Still, by now she could recognize a circus in the making, sure similar letters would be turning up at Severus' home, the Ministry and the _Prophet_ as well as more at the school for at least the next few days. She would spare her friends the attention if she could. And after some thought and a trip through the paperwork of Albus' estate, Minerva thought she might be able to do just that.

* * *

"Lupin, you are truly insane if you think I am going to cavort naked with you on some beach for the next week!"

Remus calmly finished reading Minerva's letter, one finger resting against the wrapped portkey. "Severus, you've hexed three owls already this morning and we've had to block off the floo. Besides," he said with a shrug, handing over the note to the more agitated man, "She's ordering us to go."

"Ordering!" Severus glanced through the parchment. _More like she's demanding we indulge in some pleasure romp or forfeit our employment!_

Minerva knew how play on Severus' anxieties. He and Lupin had changed the wards on Spinner's End, shutting out Severus' former associates, but there had already been two instances of mysterious scorch marks appearing on the crossing outside the house. Once they were secure in Hogwarts, Severus planned to sell the place.

"I'd like to go." Strong arms wrapped around Severus from behind and Remus' fingers dug into his sides just enough to make him feel wanted, not trapped. "I'd like to know how we could be out in the open, even with no one else able to see us. Especially because of that." 

Minerva's note said she guaranteed the remote beachside cottage specifically protected its owner and guests from harm and that she had checked the privacy wards herself that morning. A peaceful holiday after the summer they had endured was particularly tempting in the face of the coming school year, and a week away would still allow them time to prepare for classes - barely.

"Fine. But you can rest assured, you will not manoeuvre me into any outrageous Muggle swimming contraptions!"

* * *

In fact, Remus had convinced Severus to wear a simple pair of black swim trunks, but they didn't deter the readers of _Witch Weekly_ from forming a club titled "Snape's Swimsuit Swooners" in the days after the magazine published exclusive photos of him and Remus on the beach. 

By the time the men arrived at Hogwarts, a second issue had come out with video footage ("Sodding Creevey brat!") of Remus and Severus running along the ocean's edge and wrestling in the sand. Apparently, the cottage did not take snooping freelance stringers as inflicting harm upon its guests, although its privacy charms knew well enough when tussling turned amorous. The video loop in the magazine ended with a dizzying blur that was the photographer being thrown up and away, landing in a dune miles from the private beach.

As far as Severus was concerned, it was the only part of the protections that operated correctly. The secret of their relationship was still safe. 

"Minerva, you must declare _Witch Weekly_ illegal contraband! I will incinerate that rag on sight, I don't care who's holding it!" Severus glared at the issues in question sitting on Minerva's desk, there presumably in case they would need to be referenced during the professors' "discussion," which so far had consisted of Severus bellowing escalating threats while Remus and Minerva prepared and sipped their tea. 

"You know it would only make the magazine more desirable to the children. Besides, hundreds are subscribed to it, I cannot, in good conscience, keep the students from receiving their due."

The incensed Potions master pushed up his sleeves as if preparing to do battle then and there. "I'll show them their due - the back end of a Cruciat-" 

"Severus!" Remus stood and went to lay a hand on Severus' shoulder, massaging the rigid line of muscle he encountered. "Be reasonable," he intoned softly. Severus closed his eyes, his whole body appearing to slump for a moment. 

"As if the year was not going to be difficult enough with the Slytherins."

"You're no longer their Head of House; you don't have to answer to them."

"Tell that to the ones whose parents-"

As the two men seemed to go into their own world on a topic it appeared they had covered before, Minerva was able to observe them unfettered. In truth, the magazines were on her desk because she hadn't the time to hide them before Severus had stormed into her office. The pictures in the first issue, some of them printed on full pages, displayed the lines of two men who hadn't yet thrown off the ravages of war on their bodies. Remus was scarred and too thin, but his exposed flesh showed the hardness of his muscles - sinew and bone covered in tanned skin and shaggy light-brown hair with streaks of grey that turned white under the sun. 

And Severus was Remus' antithesis as if by plan. They shared a height, but Severus appeared taller by the nature of his bone structure, long where Remus was solid, and from the black hair etching his chest and abdomen as well as standing out starkly against the almost white skin of his arms and legs. Minerva had found herself following the dark trail from Severus' navel down so far that it set her cheeks aflame. She had spent more hours than she cared to admit to herself staring at the wrestling footage in the second issue. Knowing what she knew of the men's relationship, she couldn't help imagining their grappling as an excuse to grasp at smooth skin, tugs to unbalance a pull of desire, dipped heads searching for a kiss - and could that be evidence of their desire in the fold of Severus' swimsuit, the crease of Remus' cut-offs? 

"Isn't that right, Minerva?" 

The Headmistress blinked several times and looked Remus in the eye, hoping he would take the flush of her cheeks as tea served too hot. "What?"

"Horace will help the Slytherins adjust in the new mandatory Muggle Studies classes?" 

Legs searching for leverage or tangling to delight in the tingle of crisp hair sliding- Minerva swallowed a mouthful of tea before answering. "Of course he will."

* * *

A month later, the academic year had gotten off to a relatively quiet start. The students seemed relieved to even have a school to attend, and most were applying themselves to their studies with marked diligence. The notable exception being a particularly rowdy group of Gryffindor first-years, which was why Severus had barged into Minerva's office, even though he knew she wouldn't be through with her Advanced Transfiguration seminar yet. Severus had been saying all along that a good expelling would send a clear message to the students that the school was under sterner management, but Minerva had been ducking him for a week now and he was determined to have it out with her. Four cauldrons melted in three weeks was completely unacceptable when Severus was still struggling to strike a balance between the unreasonable slave driver he once played toward his students and the rigid taskmaster he still wished to be.

Determined to wait Minerva out, Severus crossed his arms over his chest and faced the door, willing it to open. Five minutes later, however, his mind had wandered - first toward Albus' still-sleeping portrait. He was grateful the old man had allowed them time to win the war and regroup without having to face his living image, but he suspected it wouldn't be too much longer before the former Headmaster began interfering again, damned annoying twinkle and all. 

Severus only turned toward the desk when memories of Albus threatened to overwhelm him, but he was quickly walking to the other side, snatching at all-too-familiar glossy parchment that seemed to have been hastily stuffed under a stack of financial reports. 

_These can't be the same _Witch Weekly_ s I saw in here a month ago._ The cover gloss was dulled at the edges where fingers would rest, and the pages were smudged and soft with use. Sections featuring Remus and himself in swim suits were dog-eared, indicating the reader came back to those pages repeatedly and wished to find them quickly. Casting automatically, his brain still frozen against the possibility, a quick ownership spell had Severus stuffing the magazines back under the reports and fleeing the office, robes not so much billowing as whipping around his ankles in his haste to remove himself from the evidence of Minerva's ... _dwelling_.

* * *

"Maybe someone else has been using them." 

Severus shuddered at Remus' implication in the word "using." Remus had been playing the _Maybe_ game for the last five minutes while the other man alternately brooded and cringed in silence.

"Maybe she's been studying them for research to respond to parents." Remus paused, beginning to grasp at straws rather than face the idea that their dear friend ogled their half-naked images on a regular basis. "Maybe she allowed some other teacher to borrow them. Maybe Hagrid-"

"Enough!" Severus stood and began pacing the length of their living room. The new quarters had been working out well, with space enough that the men didn't feel they were on top of each other. There also was a secret entrance from the rooms to their respective offices, so no student could discover the fact that two of their teachers were cohabitating. Minerva had outdone herself for them - again - treating the couple with the same care and respect she had always shown toward them individually, the last year of the war notwithstanding. Yet, by all deductive reasoning, she appeared to be as preoccupied with them as the next hormonally budding third-year. "We _must_ consider the possibility that Minerva has developed a fascination of us."

Remus sat back in his chair and seemed to fold in on himself, his denial as clear as if he had spoken it aloud.

* * *

Weeks later, neither man could dismiss the evidence they traded each night over shots of whiskey lifted with unsteady hands. The flush they had taken for the return of Minerva's full health since the hexing she received in Potter's fifth year they now understood came only when they caught her mind wandering. Severus made excuses to visit the Headmistress' office often, and a subtle locating spell indicated that the magazines migrated throughout the room, as if she kept them near like talismans. 

Remus, still resisting the notion that the starched administrator had a more than friendly interest in them, set an elaborate trap. Without informing Severus of his plan, Remus cast a modified Imperturbable charm on the under-used corridor both Severus and Minerva usually entered close to dinner time. Wandering students would miss the hall altogether, but Remus' prey would see it normally. 

"Severus," Remus said, stepping forward as the other man appeared. Hearing footsteps not far behind them, Remus grabbed Severus by the shoulders and pushed him up against the nearest wall, covering the Potions master's body with his own. A thigh slipped between Severus' legs, pinning him completely, and Remus felt him sag from the pressure he was receiving against his groin, which Remus knew was a particular weakness of Severus'. The other man writhed, half-heartedly trying to push Remus away until they both heard the click of heels coming down the hall, and then Severus began struggling in earnest. 

"The students-"

"Won't see," Remus said, slightly louder than normal before he captured Severus's hands and trapped them with his own against the wall. Severus scowled and opened his mouth to protest further, which is when Remus swooped in for a thorough, open-mouthed kiss. A faint gasp reached his ears and Remus continued his leisurely exploration of the other man's lips and tongue. The wet, sucking noises they were making did not completely mask the sound of someone stepping behind the armour of Darlende the Third, and Remus' heart sped more from the knowledge that only one person could be watching them and that his trap had worked, although Severus' twisting hips were certainly inspiring. 

Pulling back slowly - _Might as well make a good show of it_ \- Remus' tongue flicked over Severus' open lips, breathing the other man's panting breath before standing up and moving back to allow Severus room to straighten as well. 

"Dinner in our rooms tonight?" Remus had needed Severus' reactions to appear authentic, but it seemed cruel not to follow through now that he had his proof. He could no longer deny that Minerva had a more than friendly interest in their relationship when he could feel the weight of her eyes on them even as they parted. She should have been reprimanding them for their indiscretion, but instead Remus could still sense her standing just out of their sight in the shadows created by the armour. There was a glint in Severus' eyes that told Remus the other man was catching on to the game and Remus silently lifted the Imperturbable as Severus finally spoke. 

"Minerva will miss us." Yes, the former spy had definitely detected the Headmistress' presence as well. 

"I imagine she will forgive us one night of pleasure." 

Minerva didn't move until the men were long gone and dinner had already started, her legs still trembling like jelly, barely supporting her.

* * *

As she sat in her office well after curfew, Minerva decided that the snores and snuffling of dozens of portraits were mocking her state of insomnia. On the whole, most of the previous school leaders had been absolutely vital during her transition to Headmistress and efforts to reopen Hogwarts. However, the one painting she most wished to speak with, to see teasing her foolishness with the sparkle of his eyes, slept on, just as he had been for the last year and a half. No one could say why Albus' portrait hadn't yet moved or said a word since he appeared on the wall the night he died, but Minerva understood that the man would awake not a second before he was good and ready - and probably most-needed. 

She gazed fondly at her friend and wished her troubles would tempt him into action. Silly as her issues were, she could use his calming words and steady support. Perhaps then she wouldn't skulk in corridors watching colleagues - her friends! - having intense snogs. Maybe she could go more than a day without perusing the pages of those _Witch Weekly_ s with twitchy fingers, and maybe she could limit the wanderings of her mind to places that did not involve Remus Lupin and Severus Snape in various states of undress, twisted around silk sheets and each other night after night....

Minerva stood suddenly, hands slamming down on her desk in reprimand of herself. It was healthy and natural for a middle-aged witch to become a bit randy occasionally, but if she continued daydreaming about Remus and Severus she could lose them as companions. She could barely stand to meet their eyes lately and knew they had finally begun to notice her behaviour when she caught them observing her when they thought she wasn't looking. 

The war, rebuilding and repopulating the school, navigating the political waters along the way had all forced Minerva to concentrate on work and ignore many of her former friends. Severus and Remus were all she had at the moment, and she didn't want to lose them to some hormone-driven obsession. She had resolved to ask Rolanda to dinner when her unfocused gaze again landed on Albus. _Open your eyes. I need you._

The portrait snoozed on.

* * *

"I have the solution to our problem." Severus entered their quarters with several boxes floating ahead of him. They were shiny and printed with colour photos that didn't move, and thus clearly Muggle in origin. 

Remus looked up from his reading and watched Severus lower the items to the floor and start opening them, his backside unconsciously on prominent display. Licking his lips, he asked, "Which problem would that be? The lacewing shortage for the first-years or that we've already run out of shelf space in the library, or-" 

"The answer to the Minerva Dilemma." In the month since Remus' trap, they had come to discuss the issue in capital letters. Severus stood, holding up what looked like one of Colin Creevey's recording devices. "We shall make her a video of our coupling, which will allow her to satisfy her curiosity and overcome her fascination with us once and for all!" 

Eyes wide enough to sting - and libido forgotten - Remus stared at Severus as if the other man had grown a second head. 

"You're joking."

"I believe that is your department."

"Where did you get-"

"Mr Creevey was most cooperative for a victim of the spotlight his innovation created and a professor with significant influence over his brother's N.E.W.T. preparation."

"You blackmailed him!"

"Indeed."

Remus rose and moved to half-sit on the parlour's window ledge, physically distancing himself from the camera. "What makes you think Minerva wants to see us- do _that_ and how do you know it will help?"

At this, Severus had the good grace to flush. "I looked."

"You-" Remus frowned down at his shoes, perplexed only a moment before looking up, appearing completely scandalized. "I suppose this is what I should expect, sleeping with a Slytherin."

Severus drew himself up to his full height, looking proud and aloof. "You used your under-handed method and I used mine. I fail to perceive the difference."

With a laugh, Remus crossed the room to place his arms loosely around the Potions master who only made token grumbling noises before returning the embrace. The familiarity of their relationship before the war was slowly coming back to them. Remus wasn't sure he wanted to give away their intimacy, even to a beloved friend. "I'm not shy about my body, Severus, but I'm not sure I can do this," he said with a more serious attitude. 

"Do you think I am anxious to put this-" Severus leaned into Remus, "-on display? She was one of the few people who stood by me after Voldemort was dispatched. We wouldn't have jobs or peace of mind without her. If watching us be together is what she wishes...."

Remus could tell by the way Severus kept his face tilted away that making the video would not be easy on him either, but his willingness to fight his instincts for Minerva's benefit made Remus caress the other man's cheek until he turned to look at him. "We can make a Christmas present of it."

They deemed their fifth try a worthy gift for Minerva.

* * *

Minerva didn't know what she was doing sitting in a London Muggle hotel room a week before Christmas. She reread the note she'd received a day earlier-

> We have reserved a luxury room for you in Muggle London for the weekend for you to relax and finish your holiday shopping. Feel free to take advantage of any and all of the hotel's amenities. It has a full spa and a superior chef in the restaurant, plus we have arranged a bit of extra entertainment. This is our present to you this Christmas. We appreciate you for standing by us this year. 
> 
> Enclosed are coordinates and directions as well as vouchers you will need when you check in. Happy Christmas, Minerva!
> 
> Remus  
>  -SS

  
Now she was sitting on a bed before a complicated set-up of wires and lights that had been there when she checked into the room. She knew the large box with the glass inset was known as a television set, but the rest was a mystery to her. Thankfully, there were two yellow notes stuck to the machines, labelled by number, with arrows pointing to buttons and commands to "press here."

The part of her that had kept up with Horace on Muggle activities and knew Severus Snape's keen sense of irony was wary. Curiosity ("Killed the cat. Yes, yes, I know.") eventually got the better of Minerva, and she pressed the two buttons, sitting back on the bed with her shoes kicked off. 

There was sound before there was an image. "Maybe we shouldn't-"

"Just forget the damn camera, Lupin."

"But what if-mmph!" As the picture came up, Severus and Remus were engaged in a deep kiss. 

Minerva recoiled, accidentally kicking the machine and bouncing back on the bed, her face red and eyes wide. _They knew._ Not only did they know about her interest, they apparently had made her some Muggle cinema as part of her gift. She wanted to turn the machine off to preserve what little sanity she had left as well as her friends' dignity, but the notes had fallen off during her flailing, and Minerva was well aware of the dangers of stabbing at random buttons on Muggle inventions. She could leave-

"Lower." Severus appeared to be massaging Remus as his hands travelled down the other man's back. 

"Here?" Remus' arse cheeks were receiving a thorough groping, and Minerva slowly crawled back to the edge of the bed, enthralled by the moving images. The couple stood fully clothed in a nondescript room ( _Requirement? Likely._ ) with a simple fireplace and a large, open bed made with deep blue sheets and little else. The picture was slowly moving, becoming closer to the men as they kissed, and then drawing back, then moving to show another side of them. One of the men must have enchanted the Creevey device to shift with some sort of purpose. 

Severus pushed Remus' shirt off his shoulders and she began to pay attention again. They undressed each other slowly, skin caressed or kissed as it was exposed, but it was the heated looks they gave one another that caused Minerva's heart to race. They hardly broke eye contact as they worked, as if each piece of clothing removed was a dare in a game to which only they had the rules. Remus pushed Severus' trousers down, following them to his knees and Severus banished the remains of their garments, appearing to have won the round as Remus took him into his mouth. 

Minerva didn't know where to look first and her eyes roamed over the men's figures restlessly. These were the same lithe bodies she had seen months ago, with Remus perhaps a shade paler than he had been, but still sporting tan lines. Severus appeared to be a tad more solid, but it was the slackness of his face that captivated her. His eyes were closed now and his chin tipped back, exposing the line of his throat and smoothness of his jaw. She watched the knot of his Adam's apple bob up and down. _Goodness, when did the picture become so close?!_

Moments later, she could see them in full again and Remus stood, taking Severus' hand and drawing him toward the bed. They were both rampant, Remus' manhood slightly shorter and thicker than Severus' but no less sculpted by their excitement. Minerva found her eyes wandering to their chests and legs even though these were the parts she had seen repeatedly in the magazines. The swim suits had not hidden as much as she had once thought.

With open arms, Remus accepted Severus on top of him and they spent long minutes kissing, touching and writhing against one another. They started slow and she heard them both gasping as they alternated worrying the other's nipples with their mouths. After a while, they appeared to find a rhythm and Minerva had a clear view of Severus' muscles flexing while Remus was mostly hidden from view, but it was enough to send her heart racing. She expected they would be getting to the sex soon, and she waited impatiently for Severus to make his move.

Thus, she was taken completely unaware when Remus clung to Severus and rolled them on the bed, leaving the other man on his back with Remus between his legs. She held her breath at the besotted look Remus was giving Severus as the other man concentrated and summoned a small vial, which he placed in Remus' hand. Minerva gasped and watched Severus' face as Remus bent to the task of preparing him to take the other man into his body. She never would have guessed that Remus would be the dominant partner, but upon reflection, it made sense. In all the years they taught together, Minerva never knew Severus to have a lover, and she could see the logic in the less experienced man taking the easier position. The vulnerability Severus showed in allowing her to see him in such a state was not lost on Minerva.

Her clinical reflections fled as Severus reached up and brushed the back of his fingers over Remus' cheek as he pushed in slowly, which appeared to give the dark man great pleasure. What followed stole her breath away. She had little interest seeing the actual joining of their bodies, and the footage seemed to oblige her, focusing on arms and legs, but mostly on the men's faces and the looks of wonderment they held for each other. The recording device seemed to be completely forgotten as Severus and Remus groaned and shifted against one another. Remus lightly scratched his nails down Severus' chest and Severus answered the move by running his fingers up into Remus' hair, lightly massaging the sensitive skin at the base and causing Remus' eyes to droop lazily. The sound was punctuated by sighs and moans, _Lupin_ s and _Yes_ es as the men drowned themselves in each others' skin. Every touch lighted on glistening skin with reverence, even the grasping that came with their increased passions.

Minerva was startled when the moment of completion came, so caught up was she by the magic Remus and Severus created through senses she once thought too simple to contain such intensity. Remus took Severus' member in one hand and slipped his free one under the other man's buttocks, lifting Severus and holding them close as he thrust and stroked and convulsed, crying out just as Severus underscored the shout with a low moan and the shuddering of his entire body. The Headmistress ignored the discharge and watched the men as their chests heaved for air, and they opened eyes only to slip into mutual gazing once again. Her eyes grew wet.

Remus withdrew and collapsed into Severus' arms, trembling against the other man. They clung tightly to each other, and she could see Severus' eyes squeezed tightly closed over Remus' shoulder. What he saw in the darkness, Minerva could not know, but she could guess and her own core seemed to shake along with them at the thought. She had just watched Severus and Remus worship each other - two lonely, desperately dark men had survived a war and found themselves capable of love. _Capable of sharing their union with a stupid old woman who had no business imagining such a gift._

Severus' fingers dug into the muscle of Remus' back and Remus was rubbing his cheek up and down his lover's jaw and neck. Slowly, the faint hum she was hearing became a murmur and then language as the picture closed in on the faces of her friends. Remus chanted as he made arcs along Severus' skin, the tone low and reverent. 

"Severus, Severus, Severus..." The air was cut by a single word, wistful and sharp to Minerva's ears, full of longing, as if the moment might be stolen away.

" _Remus_."

She was the thief.

* * *

Too much. The video had been too much for her - too straightforward, painful, too intimate to bear. She had destroyed the tape and then Apparated home and burned the magazines and was tempted to Obliviate herself, although Minerva knew her thoughts would never stray toward her friends that way again. Remus and Severus had put themselves in her hands; they had trusted her, given her their very souls, and there was no way she could continue to reduce the pair to sex objects when they had metaphorically split themselves open and bled themselves dry just to make _her_ happy, to make her feel like a part of their world. 

Minerva dropped her head into her hands. "I don't deserve either of them." 

"Who, my dear?"

"Remus and Severus, they-"

"Ah, so they survived. I knew Remus would, but Severus....Well, I never doubted his _strength_. I am most pleased. Now, Minerva, why would you think you do not deserve such fine men for company?"

The honeyed, warm voice prickled over her like summer rain, washing away anguish and replacing it with hope and a strong beat in her chest. At the sound of her name, she looked up, her radiant smile a reflection of Albus', now awake and standing in his portrait. 

"I- I- _Albus Dumbledore!_! What took you so long?" she scolded, a measure of peace entering her as she immediately landed on familiar ground with him. 

"Now Minerva-" The former Headmaster glanced at the door and, with a wry grin, calmly folded his hands in his lap.

Remus and Severus barged into the office and Remus was in full pout when he spoke. "You didn't even stay the night." 

"One would think you did not appreciate our Christmas present." The Potions master stood ramrod straight, but there was a hint of doubt in his voice that Minerva could now more easily detect. She flushed and strove to find the right words to repair their damaged friendship.

"I believe she was touched by your thoughtfulness, my dear boys."

"Albus" and "Headmaster" were exclaimed as both men rushed to the newly awakened portrait. Severus lifted his hand as if to touch the frame, but he froze and it was Remus who covered his hand and allowed both their fingers to brush the unfeeling wood affectionately. "We missed you, sir." 

A hoarse sound - "Yes." Severus was swallowing convulsively. 

"Tea?"

Minerva stepped away from her fire and summoned a house elf, requesting tea and cakes for all three of them. Three pairs of eyes followed her movements until Severus and Remus looked at one another and nodded without saying a word.

"So, Albus, explain to us why you felt the need to take a two-year cat-nap," she said, settling into the seat behind her desk and drawing the other two close so they could all sit near the portrait. 

"I believe cat-naps are your purview, Headmistress," Severus said with an incline of his head. Minerva gave him a relieved smile, knowing Severus wouldn't take such a cheeky tone unless she was absolved.

Remus snickered. " _Purrr_ view."

A chorus of affectionate laughter pealed down from the tower and echoed in the castle for anyone to hear.

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> **Music notes: The Minerva Dilemma Mix**
> 
> [Crush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIhSnaqou0I) \- Jennifer Paige  
> [Mrs Robinson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzWnoKIw8zg) \- Lemonheads  
> [Constant Craving](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXqPjx94YMg) \- k.d. lang
> 
> Please let me know if a link here is broken. Thanks!


End file.
